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You will laugh at these !

Pro Member First Officer
Pro-Sim First Officer

In case you need a laugh...... Best wishes from Pro-Sim 😂

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had a major accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget

Pro Member Chief Captain
Jonathan (99jolegg) Chief Captain

Pro-Sim wrote:

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget

ROFL ROFL ROFL Very good Pro-Sim, great find 👍 The above two I reckon are the best 😂

...and welcome back, haven't seen you around for a while 😉

Pro Member Chief Captain
ceetee Chief Captain

haha RGR that jolegg, thats a good find there prosim! Where'd you find them?

Pro Member Chief Captain
Tailhook Chief Captain

Pro-Sim wrote:

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots ...

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had a major accident.

If those are indeed actual complaints, it makes you wonder how Qantas manages to retain such a high standard. 😳

Pro Member Chief Captain
Alex (Fire_Emblem_Master) Chief Captain

Well, you gotta admit that it would be quite difficult to reproduce a 200fpm descent rate on the ground, and whatever the problem with the "Something Loose in cockpit" log, I'd wonder what to tighten as well.

I'm sure that the mechanics go through and try to find whatever was wrong and fix it, but hey, I'd joke around with stuff like that as well.

Pro Member Chief Captain
Tailhook Chief Captain

Fire_Emblem_Master wrote:

but hey, I'd joke around with stuff like that as well.

That's why they won't give you a job as a 'maintenance engineer' ROFL

Pro Member Captain
PanAmerican Captain

Great Find

Pro Member Chief Captain
Alex (Fire_Emblem_Master) Chief Captain

That's why they won't give you a job as a 'maintenance engineer'

That, and I have no idea how to perform mantinence on anything. I can only write short stories and speak German....Seriously, my math skills are like -10

Pro Member Chief Captain
Tailhook Chief Captain

Fire_Emblem_Master wrote:

That's why they won't give you a job as a 'maintenance engineer'

That, and I have no idea how to perform mantinence on anything. I can only write short stories and speak German....Seriously, my math skills are like -10

You seem to be equipped well enough with what you have. I wouldn't worry too much about the 'maintenance thing'.

As you well know: "The pen is mightier than the sword." Read Idea

Pro Member First Officer
alohajoe First Officer

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget

Those are my favorite! ROFL Group Wave GOOD JOB QAUNTUS!!! Cant remeber how to spell it! Embarassed

Pro Member Chief Captain
jarred_01 Chief Captain

Qantas 😉

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