Funny Flying Stories

I read these amusing stories in a national Sunday paper. They were printed to celebrate the copious amounts of people flying over the holidays and thought I would share some with you. I threw the paper away and can only remember a few:

PILOT: Ladies and gentlemen we will shortly be at cruising altitude at which time the seat belt signs will extinguish and you can...OH MY GOD!!

(five minutes silence pass)

PILOT: Sorry ladies and gentelmen I didn't mean to scare you then but the stewardess spilt hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my trousers.

PASSENGER: You should see the back of mine!

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PILOT: The seat belt signs are now off so please feel free to move around the cabin. Please don't walk on the wings though as its very cold this high up and you'll also mess up my flight plan!

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PILOT: You will notice I have dimmed the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to make the flight crew more attractive!

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PILOT: (BEFORE TAKE OFF) Welcome aboard ladies and gentlemen. American Airlines boasts the best cabin staff in the business. Sadly none of them are on this flight.

😂