I've never quite figured out the FS logic in vectoring you 80 miles from your destination, but yes, if you choose to use STARS, you need to ignore FS ATC. It requires a bit more planning on your part in getting down (i.e., predicting top of descent, follwing STARs and approaches, etc) but it does let you fly slightly more realistically.
If you want to use published SIDs, STARs, approaches, and deal with actually competent ATC, try flying on line through VATSIM (www.vatsim.net). It takes time to get your feet wet but it definitly keeps you from going back to default ATC!