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Qantas gripe sheet

Pro Member Trainee
mustangpilot Trainee

I put this here cos it's funny and i suspect more people will read it. If a moderator wants to move it thats fine.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.

Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.

By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in the cockpit.
S: Something tightened in the cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: The number 3 engine is missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one saved for last......

P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.

Have a great weekend 🙂

2 Responses

Pro Member Chief Captain
VegasFlyer Chief Captain

Great stuff!

ROFL ROFL ROFL

Pro Member Chief Captain
CRJCapt Chief Captain

Very funny, I've seen them but many may not have, thanks.

Aircraft accidents by Qantas(No fatalities)
Qantas 24 Mar 1927 Tambo, Qld, Australia de Havilland DH-9C
Qantas 15 Nov 1934 Near Longreach, NSW, Australia de Havilland DH-86
Qantas 20 Feb 1942 Off Belmont, Brisbane, Australia deHavilland DH-86
Qantas 22 Apr 1943 Off Port Moresby, New Guinea Short S-23
Qantas 26 Nov 1943 Port Moresby, New Guinea Lockheed L-18-56 Lodestar
Qantas 11 Oct 1944 Sydney, Australia Short S-23 (flying boat)
Qantas 16 Jul 1951 Off Lae, New Guinea de Havilland Drover II

Reference: ➡ http://www.planecrashinfo.com/Airline/AL%20Q-R.htm
Home page: ➡ http://www.planecrashinfo.com/index.html

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