sonicninja
sonicninja
First OfficerFirst Officer
Joined: Nov 19, 2003 Posts: 409 Location: England
Asked

Heres a few jokes to put a smile on everyones face 😀

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax -- OH MY GOD!" Silence followed and after a few minutes, the Captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilt it in my lap. You should see the front of my pants! A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing, he should see the back of mine!"

LH741: "Tower, give me a rough time-check!"
Tower: "It's Tuesday, Sir."

Tower: "Hawk 20, is this the same aircraft declaring emergency about two hours ago ?"
Pilot: "Negative, Sir. It's only the same pilot."

Tower: You have traffic at 10 o'clock,6 miles!
Pilot: Give us another hint, we have digital watches!

Pilot: Good morning, Frankfurt ground, KLM 242 request start up and push back, please.
Tower: KLM 242 expect start up in two hours.
Pilot: Please confirm: two hours delay?
Tower: Affirmative.
Pilot: In that case, cancel the good morning!

Tower: "Height and position?"
Pilot: "I am 1,80 m and I'm sitting.

A young and stupid pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies.
So, this one time he was approaching a field during the night time.
Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said: "Guess who?"
The controller switched the field lights off and replied: "Guess where!"

A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high.
San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end, if able. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport."

Answers 5 Answers

Jump to latest
sonicninja
sonicninja
First OfficerFirst Officer
Joined: Nov 19, 2003 Posts: 409 Location: England
Answered

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747 (call sign "Speedbird 206") after landing:

Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway."

Ground: "Guten morgen! You will taxi to your gate!"

The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with some arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, you have never flown to Frankfurt before?!?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, I have, in 1944, in an Avro Lancaster but I didn't stop."

sonicninja
sonicninja
First OfficerFirst Officer
Joined: Nov 19, 2003 Posts: 409 Location: England
Answered

Royalty

The plane's cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who was just as obviously enjoying himself.

He came swishing down the aisle and said to the man and the woman seated beside him, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that the woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one!"

"Well, sweet cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen so I outrank you. Put up the tray, bitch!"

Greekman72
Greekman72
Chief CaptainChief Captain
Joined: Jun 15, 2005 Posts: 5418 Location: Hellas
Answered

ROFL ROFL ROFL

👍

jarred_01
jarred_01
CaptainCaptain
Joined: Aug 29, 2005 Posts: 938 Location: Hamilton, New Zealand (NZHN)
Answered

😂 😂 😂 Thanks for that!

Micah
Micah
CaptainCaptain
Joined: Mar 06, 2004 Posts: 512 Location: West Sussex, England
Answered

ROFL ROFL ROFL
ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL
ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL
ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL
ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL
ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL
ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL
ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL

Still does not answer your question? Ask a new question!

If the question and answers provided above do not answer your specific question - why not ask a new question of your own? Our community and flight simulator experts will provided a dedicated and unique answer to your flight sim question. And, you don't even need to register to post your question!

Ask New Question...

Related Questions

Flight Sim Questions that are closely related to this...