Holiday humor

Thanks for the laughs. It's a keeper. 😂

My favorite.

Here are some supposedly actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution as recorded by Qantas maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. (P = The problem logged by the pilot.) (S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

ATC: "N743GA, say altitude"

3GA: "Altitude."

ATC: "N743GA, say airspeed"

3GA: "Airspeed."

ATC: "N743GA, say cancel IFR."

3GA: "Altitude 8,500 feet, airspeed 150kts indicated, Sir."

👏 Good stuff gang

"Flight 1234, for noise abatement, turn right 45 degrees.."
"But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

Keep them coming

A couple of my favorites:

What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies. If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.

It's better to break ground and head into the wind than to break wind and
head into the ground.

Ed

makonnenl wrote:

If you already know it then it is not for you 😉

1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull
The stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.
3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.
4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.
5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep The pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.
7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided With the sky.
8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' Landing is one after which they can use the plane again.
9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.
11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle Of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.
12. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going Hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.
13. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the xperience usually comes from bad judgment.
14. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible
15. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's
Not subject to appeal.
😂 😂 😂

I showed it to some friends at school. They loved it!

all I can say is LOL!!!!!!!!!!

This is definetly the funniest forum ever!